


Blue Bird

by thebatjokesonyou



Category: Batman - All Media Types, The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: Batjokes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, I don't know how I even finished this, M/M, cheesy pick up lines, crying Joker, human lego AU, lots of gay, much gay, super fluffy, the cutest thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-08 01:53:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10375239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebatjokesonyou/pseuds/thebatjokesonyou
Summary: Batman's on nightly patrol when he hears some noise on a nearby roof. Featuring cheesy pick up lines, denial, and the fluffiest fluff this side of fluff. My first, finished batjokes fic!





	

**BLUE BIRD**

Batman was never going to admit he cared about Joker. Well, as of now anyway. He was going to remain cool and stoic and an inspiration to orphans everywhere. ((Gotham's orphans were rated #4 on the chart of Most Inspired Orphans World Wide)) It wouldn't be inspirational to little Timmy if he was admitting his crush on the Clown Prince of Crime.

I mean, _if_ he had a crush. Batman didn't have a crush on him. Nope. Not since the day they admitted their hatred and Batman really got a good look at the other as they formed human chains to pull the city together. It wasn't fueled at all by Joker suddenly doing smaller but somehow "cuter" crimes and only doing them every once in awhile. Certainly wasn't a thing Batman spent all night thinking and pondering about. Not at all. He hadn't even considered reforming Joker to help them and at least put his explosive tendencies to good use.

None of those things had ever occurred. At least, Batman never said they had or hadn't. Denial is a great way of dealing with issues like that.

On yet another night in Gotham City, Batman found himself in the 2 step process of thought he was always in while using his grappling hook during patrol. Step 1, think about Joker in a way he shouldn't. Step 2, deny, deny, _deny_. It was going as nicely as it usually did. Which meant that Batman was going to toss and turn all freaking night.

Before he could move on to the next 4 step process (go home, let your thoughts run wild, turn on angsty music and increase the denial x10) he heard a noise coming from a nearby rooftop that shook him out of his thoughts. It was odd, to say the least. The Dark Knight knew better than to ignore sounds on rooftops. He paused, stopping on the roof before listening, trying to find the sound's origin.

The sound became clearer as Batman walked towards it. Sniffling? Was someone sick? No...it was a different kind of sniffling. The kind that could lead to sickness in the cold night air. Some coughing and shudders confirmed that it wasn't a sick tone. It was a depressing, pathetic tone. Crying. But whoever was crying was trying and failing to keep quiet. Muffled under what was probably their hand, Batman was getting curious as to who the mystery griever was.

He quietly hoped that it was a very pretty, single, interesting and interested woman that would blow Joker out of the water and make his job easier again. The green-haired clown was absolutely distracting, if nothing else. Through punches and blows, the adrenaline rush he had was getting drowned out by other emotions. Guilt, hesitance and some emotion he wasn't going to even pretend did or even could exist. Even a moderately pretty super villainess would be a welcome distraction.

Of course, the universe said, _"Aw, that's cute, you actually think I'm that sweet??? Wow, Batman, you're more of a sucker than I thought."_

Not that Batman spoke Universian. He didn't need to speak some strange cosmic tongue to see the bright green hair, purple vest and pulled up orange sleeves from behind. Nor did he need to understand a heavenly dialect to watch the pale body shake and shudder and heave forward with coughs.

Batman suddenly felt extremely guilty and had the good sense in his conflicted brain to leave and give Joker some space to allow him to cry until he was smiling those big ol' smiles again. That's what was best, right? Besides, Batman wasn't known for his expert comforting skills. Most of the conversations he had with Joker weren't really soothing or supportive. Unless you call being forced to listen to monologues or mad ramblings soothing/supportive.

So, the dark caped crusader was about to turn around and head out for the night when Joker let out a cry so shocking, so stunning that Batman knew he had to do something afterwards.

"Batman!"

For a split second, Batman's heart had seized, thinking he'd been spotted and was going to have to somehow fight a very sad Joker. His hand was reaching for the KO gas pellets in his belt to throw at him but Joker didn't turn around. The other went right back to bawling much too hard. Which only meant one thing.

Joker was bawling over _him_.

There was no doubt in Batman's mind now. This was his responsibility. Even if Batman wanted nothing more than to shoot his grappling hook into the night and swing far, far away from his issues, he was now fully aware of how little choice he had. The last thing he wanted to do was actually face this issue head on or see tears on his old enemy's face but there was nothing else he could do. Having anyone else deal with it could lead to genuinely angering Joker or dealing with him when he felt unstable. Batman wasn't going to do that to anyone.

So, with the little bravery he possessed that night, Batman walked forward, clearing his throat. "Jok- erm - J-bird?" He had decided to go with the nickname Joker adored so much, hoping that would help him feel better.

Joker didn't turn around but went silent instead, only giving one other sniffle before he spoke in a voice that was much too soft and hurt to be his. "Go away. I don't wanna talk."

Batman bit his lip, the cowl hiding the nervous beads of sweat that were forming. He wanted to make the Joker happy but had no idea what to do. "Well uh, you don't have to cry up here by yourself. I can go um, get you ice cream or hot chocolate if that uh helps." The Bat offered, hoping to get Joker to turn around.

"No, I don't want either." Joker insisted, still in that much too quiet and vulnerable tone.

This was getting to be more stressful than Batman had imagined. He knew it was going to be a struggle to get Joker to listen but to have him be this resistant was beyond his plans and expectations. Pausing to think, Batman's eyes searched the ground and his brain was racked until the right neurotransmitters connected to have him remember the book in his belt.

 _1,001 Cheesy Pick Up Lines and Funny Flirts_ sat in one of the back compartments of his belt, having been put there by Robin, who had begged his Padre with those irresistibly big (probably containing some sort of hypnotic quality) eyes to take it with him. The Boy Wonder had simply said, "If we're gonna fight Joker, we should at least have some comedy stuff on our side! I mean, punching and kicking is cool but we should have backup plans!"

Never had Batman felt so grateful to have a weakness against the dreaded "lil' orphan Robin" eyes. He speedily pulled out the book, not wanting to hesitate a moment longer. Giving one quick look at the shiny and comical cover, his hand quickly flipped through the pages for any good material.

Joker remained unresponsive the whole time, staring out at the dark and cloudy city where the two of them resided. Not for one moment did he turn back, even with his fingers pressed into the cold ground and his legs dangling over the edge.

It was fairly unsettling, to say the least.

"Hey, Joker." Batman began, trying to hide his nervousness and doing a fairly good job at doing so. "Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got a fine- wait, no, hold on." He started rather confidently but broke out of it once he realized his mistake. Once he was composed, he cleared his throat, attempting it again. "So, are you a parking ticket? Because you've got fine written all over you." Batman smiled, waiting for Joker to say something.

Joker's lips remained sealed.

Disappointed but having had a feeling that would happen, Batman flipped through the book again, hoping to find something even better. "Guess what I'm wearing, Joker? The um, smile. The one you. Gave me." He mumbled the last bit, trying and failing to convince himself that he wasn't blushing at all.

Joker's head went down as the clown was also attempting to convince himself that the pink on his pale cheeks was applied make-up rather than a reaction to the adorable moment happening right now.

Batman's forced grin that had formed in the hopes that Joker would turn around faded into a frown again. A concerned one, if he was honest. He went back to the book, scanning and studying for the right joke to cheer up Joker. "I'm gonna have to lock you up for the effortless crime of stealing my heart." He blurted, thinking that one would fit nicely.

His reward was a stifled giggle from the green-haired criminal, who was fighting a large smile that threatened to take over his face. A smile he was really hoping Batman couldn't see.

Taking this as an opening, Batman slowly walked over and sat down next to Joker, putting the book back into his belt. He had a feeling that he had enough material memorized. "Somebody in your family must have been a museum thief because you look like a work of art."

Joker wouldn't have been half as flustered as he was if the other hadn't sounded so genuine. It was strange, if nothing else, to hear such kind words from a man who was usually so dark. Said man being Batman, his long time nemesis and crush didn't help in the slightest. His heart pounded in his chest, Joker refusing to make eye contact with the man beside him. He wasn't going to be able to keep moping if he did.

"Hey, J-bird. Your hand's looking pretty heavy." Batman began, scooting just a little bit closer to Joker now. "I don't mind holding it for you." His voice lowered slightly beyond his own will, the Bat surprised at how easy the line came out.

The tips of Joker's ears were pink at this point and he realized there was no use hiding anymore. His face finally turned to Batman's, a grin growing as pink, shining eyes made eye contact. "Really? Even if it had a buzzer in it?" He lightly teased, knowing his heart was barely in it.

Batman was caught off guard by how cute Joker was. Not that he'd admit it but he'd wished he could have bit his lip when Joker'd faced him if only to contain the small gasp he'd vocalized. The Clown Prince's slightly flushed face and happy expression was more than breathtaking. "Especially with a buzzer in it." Promised the dark superhero. His rubber gloves were an insulator, so he didn't fear the shock. Even without the gloves, Batman had a feeling he'd be willing to reach out for the buzzer hand.

Joker suddenly broke out into laughter at that. It wasn't the laughter he had when he had caused an explosion. Nor was it the laughter that came when he was in a position where laughing off the fear was the best way of dealing with it. It was the kind of laughter that was foreign to both his and Batsy's ears. Truly joyful laughter, the kind that oozed bliss.

The laughter was infectious and Batman cracked a smile before he too let out the rare and beautiful sound of true happiness. The cheesy jokes, the grinning Joker, the ridiculousness of it all brought it out.

They laughed at everything mindlessly until they came down from the euphoric high and settled back onto the building they were sitting on, entirely aware of the other's presence.

"I'm sorry." Batman broke the silence after a pause. Normally, it would have been extremely difficult to get the words out but the earlier moment had loosened up the superhero greatly. "I must have really hurt you to make you cry like that. After the Phantom Zone, I learned that I can't let keep running from stuff like this. So if you wanna talk to me about it...I'm all bat ears." He smiled again, hoping to lighten the mood.

Regret lingered, the both of them feeling the comfortable silence shift into an emotion heavy space.

Joker scoffed with amusement over more than the awful joke, shaking his head. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. Look at me. I'm supposed to be your greatest enemy but here I am, crying over sentimental stuff. I'm supposed to have a heart of stone but I keep breaking down and getting you all wrapped up in my weird heart problems." His smile tightened, hands gripping onto the ground. "I've always wanted your attention, you know. You're the only person I know who really gives me any attention in the first place. Harls cares but she's more focused on Ivy. The others are just scared or more into their schemes." Joker sighed through his nose, remembering his fellow inmates. "But every once in awhile, I look and I swear I can imagine my reflection in your eyes. Me being the center of your attention. It's what drove me to do all those dumb Phantom Zone things. You got bored of me and I couldn't stand it. I thought about it again and now...here we are." The last three words were a whisper, the rest of his confession easy to hear.

Batman was absolutely red underneath the cowl. He'd never really let that sink in before. It had felt more like Joker was a pest trying to derail his life but now that he thought about it, that all made sense. All Joker ever wanted was his attention, to know that Batman cared. Of course, he was blinder than an actual bat and didn't notice that fact before. Or maybe he really hadn't cared about how Joker felt. Which was so ironic, considering all Batman cared about right now was how Joker felt. He didn't know what to say to that. Suddenly, Batman was touched. More than touched, he knew he was unworthy of being thought of in such a way by anyone, especially someone as dedicated as Joker. Joker, who had battled him for over 70 years. Joker, who suffered from more social, physical, and mental issues than all of Gotham's criminals combined. Joker, who was willing to destroy his home just to know that Batman cared.

What had Batman done to deserve someone who thought of him so much? Who wanted him so much?

The silence was suffocating, Joker becoming increasingly worried that he'd said too much and should've kept his mouth shut. His fears were laid to rest when Batman spoke up again.

"Blue."

Joker blinked several times, confused at that. "What about blue?" He asked, needing some clarification. The Riddler had him sick of complex puzzles for awhile.

"My eyes. They're blue." Batman admitted to a flabbergasted Joker, his eyes currently on the cars and people below. "Like, really, really blue. Almost as blue as your eyes are green. I really like how blue they are. Your eyes are um. They're really nice too. Sometimes, when I give you a good right hook and you look up at me, I stare at 'em while you come at me again."

Joker stared, eyes wide and shocked before his face went scarlet, biting his lip as his tears gathered at the corner of his eyes. "Thanks, Batsy." He replied in full appreciation.

Batman reached over, his thumb wiping away the budding tears. "Aw, c'mon, don't cry." He mused, unable to stop thinking about how cute that was. "Because even if I jumped off this building right now, I wouldn't fall nearly as long and hard as I do for you."

Joker laughed as sweetly as he had before. Mainly because he knew that pick-up line wasn't in the book.

• • •

Back at Wayne Manor, Robin laid on his bed, watching a video on his phone until he received a text on his phone from Harley Quinn. She had slipped him a note with her number and explained her intention to get his dad and her boss together. He had texted her asking, "How?" And 2 battles later, the plan came into motion.

All it took was for Harley to convince Joker to go out on a walk and think about things and Robin to convince Batman to carry a book of pick up lines Joker had bought and read through a year ago while he was on night patrol. The two supers did the rest themselves.

Currently, Robin opened up his texts to receive several messages updating him about how things were going. She was watching the entire ordeal from a nearby building, remaining undetected. Using a fancy camera she'd stolen awhile back, she managed to get some adorable photos, already thinking of making copies for herself, Robin and a couple other fans she knew.

Robin quickly explained the exchange to his curious Butler/Grandfather, who was pleased to hear things had gone so well. Somehow, Robin had a feeling Alfred had already known this would happen eventually.

However, it was getting late and Robin needed some sleep, even if Batman didn't have any bedtimes. He texted a quick goodnight to Harley before getting under the covers, ready to get some sleep.

The last time he looked at his phone for the night, there was a picture of his BatDad swinging away into the night with his cowl covered in red lipstick marks, Joker waving him off.

He rested easy with the promise of a new dad coming soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! This is actually my first BatJokes fanfic! I mean, the first I've actually finished. I have another one I've left on the back burner that I'm excited to really dig into. I also might add one more chapter to this to sort of ease into that fic and add onto the inspiration theme. If you really loved this, I'd appreciate any criticism or comments! And if you'd like to maybe do an RP or just say hi, my Instagram's @thebatjokesonyou! Feel free to DM me anytime.
> 
> Thanks again for reading! I really hope you enjoyed this super fluffy fluff. I don't think I've ever written anything this sweet. (´･Д･)
> 
> If you'd like to commission me for a fic like this or anything else I've written, you can totally contact me through my main Instagram @hypnotichetalia or you can just buy me a coffee! (https://ko-fi.com/R5R4JH14#)


End file.
